Telling Someone

When Is the right time to disclose what happened to you as a child?
There is no one answer to this.

Disclosing childhood sexual abuse is deeply personal, and the “right time” should not be determined by a calendar or someone else’s expectations. It should defined by you; your readiness, your safety, and your sense of emotional strength in that moment.

I would also add that if you are telling your children, you will need to keep in mind their ages and their ability to understand what you went through. Personally, I think under 16 is not appropriate to tell your children, as they don’t have the ability to conceptualise or make sense of it.

For many survivors, the thought of disclosing what happened can feel overwhelming. Shame, guilt, and fear often weave themselves tightly around the truth, making it incredibly hard to find the words. If this sounds familiar, it’s because all survivors feel this. There is no rush, no deadline, and certainly no pressure. The trauma you experienced was not your fault, and, really significant for right now: Neither is the time it takes to speak of it.

You may be at a point where you think you should tell someone. That, too, is up to you. The key factor In this is checking in with yourself first. After all you didn’t have that option as a child, it was groomed out of you. Before you launch in, simply ask yourself: What am I hoping for by sharing this? Am I ready to be heard, even if the response isn’t perfect? Do I feel emotionally and physically safe to speak this out loud?

These aren’t easy questions, but they can guide you gently toward clarity.

Most survivors carry their story in silence for years, even decades. Some never tell anyone. Others find release and healing through sharing it with a trusted friend, a therapist, a partner, or a support group. The “right time” is when you feel that holding it inside is costing you more than releasing it might. It’s when the weight becomes too heavy to carry alone, or when healing starts calling you, more loudly than the fear does. That’s when you know it’s your time.

Sometimes the first person you tell isn’t the one who responds best. Sadly, not everyone knows how to listen well to disclosures of abuse. If that happens, please don’t let their reaction stop you from believing in your truth. Your story is still valid, and your healing still matters. Find someone who is safe, trustworthy, and compassionate. Sometimes that’s a trained professional. Other times, it’s someone in your circle who has proven themselves to be kind and consistent.

There’s also a myth that once you disclose, you have to share everything that happened to you. Not so. You get to choose how much to share, with whom, and when.

You are in charge of your story now. It was taken from you once, now you get to reclaim it on your terms. That might mean testing the waters with a small part of your experience, or writing it down before saying it aloud. That can give you confidence, so that when you finally do speak, it won’t feel so foreign to you.

Once you have done so, you may feel as though the most incredible weight has been lifted off your shoulders, and that you are now free from the burden you didn’t realise you were carrying. This may not happen instantaneously, but it will happen.

I can promise you, you will never look back with regret.
You see the burden was never yours to carry.
Thanks for handing it back.