I have heard that friendship is in our lives for a reason, a season or a lifetime.
Most of us have people that fall into these categories and know what it means to be a friend to someone. I’m so grateful to have the wonderful friends in my life that I do, I try not to take them for granted and sometimes I get it right, and sometimes I don’t. My true friends accept me regardless, others don’t and therein lies the lesson.
True friendship is not transactional.
It is not measured on how much I give VS how much they give and whether it is even or not. If it is, that is more conditional on giving and receiving and not really what friendship means.
I once had a friend who seemed to like me and enjoy my company, until the day I started a relationship with my ex-husband. In the excitement of the relationship, I naturally became less available to her, consequently, she got unhappy and decided she ‘wasn’t getting enough of me’ so eventually told me the friendship was over. It didn’t seem to occur to her, that she was married and had her own children and I had accepted that about her. Interestingly, she held no joy at me having met my soul mate, or any happiness that I was going to be able to share my life with someone. The only investment of concern was about herself, the impact on her, and the fact that she would be missing out. Looking back, it is no wonder that the friendship didn’t last.
The point is that conditional friendship does not stand the test of time, and investing in relationships where we do all the giving or feel taken advantage of is not good for anyone.
Another friendship I had ended as well. This person seemed to leave it to me to do all the running and I just never heard from her unless I made the effort. In the end I recognised that if I didn’t bother, she wouldn’t either, so I left it to see if and when she may reach out. It was a bit of a test if you like. Surprisingly enough I did not hear from her again, but when I did make contact myself a year later, the same cycle continued and I realised we had both moved on and that life was meant to take us in different directions.
The truth is friendships change and can die out, or emerge, grow and become a fundamental part of our lives. There is a cycle to everything and friendship is no different.
True friendship means having another person outside your family who sees you for who you are and loves you anyway, or counts themselves lucky to have you in their lives. What I love about real friends is the joy they are, the qualities they bring and the wonderful experiences we share together.
Friendship is a gift if it's valued, respected and earned, and lots of relationships can fall under this umbrella. The friendships that tend to mean the most to us are those where bad memories are a feature: they don’t remember how many times we have been so self-absorbed we have forgotten to ask about them, or so overwhelmed with our stuff we haven’t even followed up with issues they may be facing. Hopefully we all do a bit of giving as well as taking, and there’s lesson number 2. Friendships are based on love, mutual respect and kindness.
As you think about your own friendships, do people realise what a good friend you are
Do you acknowledge that about yourself
Maybe its time to do just that
Have a wonderful weekend, love each other, be good to your friends.
Enjoy the sun NZ, its’ about time it showed up.